The Dilemma
Most Christians sitting in church on a Sunday morning would accept the fact that God forgives us. They hear it from the pulpit, remember it from a Sunday School class, and are pretty sure it’s in the Bible somewhere. And yet, in spite of believing that to be true, countless people walk around still feeling unforgiven. How can that happen?
Reasons
1. Believing something with your mind is not the same as believing it in your emotions. Everyday we live contrary to some of the things we profess to be true. There are a number of reasons why people still don’t feel forgiven in spite of evidence to the contrary: Many people are more keyed in to whether other people in their lives have forgiven them than whether God has. Significant people can often override our trust in God. A parent telling us at a sensitive age that we can “never go home again” if we do such and such has a lingering effect that often overwhelms things we believe later in life.
2. Many people believe that what they have done is too far over the line for even God to forgive. If anyone really knew how bad it was, they wouldn’t forgive either. They really don’t believe the proclamation from the pulpit.
3. Sometimes our standards are higher than God’s. I know that sounds rather bizarre, but some of us grow up as perfectionists. Any failure is unacceptable. Sometimes our failure is such a departure from our idealized view of ourselves that it is devastating.
4. Sometimes we are afraid of grace. Why would we be? To remain unforgiven lowers the bar for living. We don’t have to expect so much of ourselves. Grace, however, opens the door and removes the excuses for abundant living.
5. Low self-esteem. In spite of the fact that we know in our minds that grace is given freely, some people believe that they aren’t worthy of receiving it. The problem with this is that it becomes a spiral. An unforgiven person of low self-esteem just suffers from lower self-esteem.
6. We have been unwilling to forgive someone else. If we withhold from someone, it does an odd thing in our soul. We don’t have the openness of receiving.
So, how do I forgive myself?
It isn’t like throwing a switch, and often takes time. But there are some things that are helpful:
1. Count the cost of holding on to your guilt. What is life going to be like in a year, 5 years, 10 years, if you never let go of the guilt and forgive yourself? What will happen to your health? How will it affect your relationships? If you don’t like the picture that you create in your mind, you are ready to start.
2. Focus on the promises of God. Nehemiah 9:17, Luke 7:49, Colossians 1:14, and Mark 2:7 are good places to start.
3. Decide if you are withholding forgiveness from someone else and make the decision to let it go. (Matthew 6:12, Colossians 3:13, Ephesians 4:32.)
4. Claim the truth that there is only one unforgivable sin (Mark 3:28-30). Intentionally walking away from the Spirit and God’s truth is unforgiven because forgiveness is not sought. If you desire to be forgiven, you are not guilty of the unforgivable sin.
5. Pray and ask. Don’t make it complex. State it in plain, straightforward language and ask.
6. Live “as if” for a while. Make life decisions, engage with people, and live each day with the assumption that you have been forgiven. Often behavior precedes awareness. God truly loves you and desires that you live with the freedom of knowing that you don’t have to wake up every morning with a burden on your shoulders.
God truly desires that you live a life that is driven by the Spirit, not buy guilt. Let go of the guilt you carry and let Christ remove it. Forgive yourself. You’re worth it.